Between Vendor's Tray and Gut Feeling: 7 Unfiltered Lessons from Self-Employment
I always wanted to be my own boss. That was clear even when I was a teenager.
Exactly what that would be and how I was going to finance my own thing remained unclear for a long time. The older I got, the more cautious I became. The more professional experience I gained, the more doubts and security concerns arose.
But just over 3 years ago, that famous gut feeling piped up. I had planned a 6-month break with my employer at the time. Everything was lined up. A 6-month unpaid sabbatical and then back to the safe haven – so same job, secure salary, etc.
But my gut said: Nope, it's now or never – we're doing our own thing now!
So, surprising everyone including myself, I quit out of the blue and went travelling around South America for a few months.
In the spring of 2024, I was back in Switzerland and full of drive. After over 11 years in the industry and more than 20 years of professional experience, I was convinced: The world had been waiting for me.
Spoiler: The world rarely waits for you exactly when you'd like it to.
What I've learnt from being self-employed and which topics challenge me the most, you'll find out in the following 7 sections.
The Setup: Why "never being done" is the biggest challenge
Suddenly, no one tells you what to do. What a glorious feeling! What an immense challenge!
Anyone who goes into business for themselves, whether alone or with partners, is suddenly faced with the challenge of having to define everything, literally everything, themselves – whether they like it or not!
Starting with topics like:
Choosing the legal structure (I started as a sole trader and founded a Ltd. after about 9 months)
Insurance and occupational and/or private pensions
Accounting and pricing
Purchasing and sales
Marketing and business development
Training and further education as well as product management
... you name it.
And all of this often has nothing to do with the actual job.
With what you actually want to make money doing.
Despite my degree in business management, I predicted that these many tasks, which have nothing to do with my core work, would be far less time-consuming than they actually are. Fortunately!
If I had known beforehand how much time and how many nerves business development, for example, would cost me, I probably would have found another excuse not to go self-employed after all.
Apart from that, as a self-employed person, you have the freedom to structure your own working day. As a very structured person, I thought this would be a walk in the park for me.
How wrong I was... I still have to laugh.
When you are suddenly no longer externally managed, i.e. there is no external input – no boss, no client, no team wanting something from you – how do you know which tasks are due today? What has priority? When are you done?
Spoiler: As a self-employed person, you are never done, and I had to get used to that first.
I often wanted and still want everything finished at once, or rather today. I hate unfinished things on my desk. Unfinished business makes me nervous, and that is exactly what I grow from every day.
Some things have to be left unfinished. It's the only way they can mature. It's the only way ideas, thoughts and concepts can organise themselves until suddenly you know: This is how we proceed, or this can go.
Because of the fact that I was never done, I was forced to deal with the topic of taking breaks. I was so caught up in doing things that I never really came to rest in the evenings, at weekends or on public holidays. I was trapped in a permanent "doing" mode.
That wasn't healthy!
At the same time, this restlessness was and still is inside me. It was exhausting, and I felt really bad at first, but I have learnt to take a break. Also and especially when no client is crying out for me.
As a self-employed person, there are always phases when money goes out but none comes in. Depending on the industry, these phases vary greatly in length and intensity. No matter how long or intense such a phase is, it's part of being self-employed.
During this time, as self-employed people, we are allowed to focus on our strengths and previous successes. We can trust that the next assignment will come at the right time. Until then, we are allowed to enjoy the freedom of self-employment.
Take care of ourselves, perhaps do some further training, pursue our hobbies and enjoy life.
It is essential to regularly recharge our batteries – not only during gaps between contracts.
This is the only way we can deliver good work sustainably and in the long term, and ideally have fun doing it too.
Horror Events
Anyone who knows me superficially might think: "Small talk is totally her thing!"
Those who know me better know: Yes, I can do small talk. I like meeting new people and find it easy to strike up a conversation.
However, "selling" myself while networking at business events ranks number 2 on my scale of horror events, right after karaoke.
Throughout my career, I regularly attended various business events. Easy-peasy, very relaxed. But since becoming self-employed, I feel this compulsion to use every event as efficiently as possible. Time is money, isn't it?
And so, in my first year of self-employment, I dragged myself to countless events. Sometimes I actually fancied going. Mostly, though, it was pure obligation.
"You absolutely have to go there!" they said. "It's the event of the month/year!... If you don't go there, you're a nobody," social media relentlessly suggests to me.
I assume that I came across accordingly: "nice", but stressed, nervous, insecure. I could be totally wrong, of course. However, the number of actual leads from this time paints a clear picture: 0 enquiries (to this day). Quite sobering for the effort.
After the umpteenth event from which I came home drained and feeling "small", I decided for myself:
I am no longer going to every event just because others advise me to.
I no longer go to events that my gut feeling unmistakably advises me against beforehand. I'm not talking about positive nervousness, where your stomach can cramp up quite badly – otherwise I wouldn't give talks.
I'm talking about that feeling we all know, just before the mind kicks in and explains why it would be oh-so-good to go. If we turn down the outside noise for a moment and feel inside ourselves, we usually know exactly where we want to go and where we don't. For me, this realisation was a great relief.
Before I madly sign up for countless events today, I do my homework. I check beforehand whether an event either:
a) appeals to my personal interests and/or
b) appeals to my target audience.
Ideally, a) and b) overlap. I also check the cost factor, which can have a big impact for the self-employed.
If a) and b) overlap and the costs are reasonable – let's go! I blossom at such events, mainly because I know that I will immediately have topics in common with the other participants.
If an event only appeals to my personal interests, but my target audience won't be there, I check whether I want to invest the associated costs as further training. If an event only appeals to my target audience, it's clear: I would be appearing there as a business developer. Does that feel right? Am I prepared to bear the costs?
This strategic approach really helps me to use my resources consciously and purposefully and to go in and out of business events with joy and energy.
Nevertheless, I still catch myself thinking a little too long about whether I shouldn't shell out many hundreds of francs and go to "the event of the year" after all.
What can I say? You just have to try some events to be able to make a better decision next time.
No, thanks. Or what price says about value.
Many of us find it difficult to say no. Even in everyday situations, this word takes a lot of courage. It is all the more difficult as a self-employed person to say no to unsuitable assignments or price expectations.
One, or rather I, doesn't want to seem ungrateful or arrogant. I admit it: I want to be liked. But that is exactly what gets in my way at the negotiating table.
This is not about me as a person, but about the "best" price for the product; in my case, my personal service. Often, this "best" price is equated with the cheapest.
And from here on, it unfortunately often gets ugly.
My first so-called negotiation went like this:
After a few conversations, my direct stakeholders and I agreed on how, when and where we wanted to work together. Now all that was needed was an official quote from my side. Then a little administrative banter with purchasing and, hey presto, we could get started. At least, that's how I understood it at the time.
Far from it!
In response to my first quote – shame on me: I actually made a fair offer on the first try – I was told that I had to drop by at least 20%.
I was so taken aback that I didn't even know what to say. Gritting my teeth, I let myself be persuaded to revise my quote.
Compared to other external consultants, my price was (allegedly) far above average. The fact that the specific request was for a strategic transformation that would directly affect several hundred employees and indirectly the entire corporate group was simply irrelevant to the procurement department. My expertise and seniority level were also unimportant.
What mattered was: the cheaper, the better.
I tried to stay objectively focused, guided myself by the well-known Harvard principle of win-win, went into round 2 with a new quote and received another rejection: too expensive.
A red flag that I would not leave uncommented today was also that my actual stakeholders were suddenly no longer reachable. Apparently, they knew that things could get difficult with purchasing and buried their heads in the sand.
At the time, I took that very personally. How could I not?
After all, I am the product.
After a few sleepless nights and another round of "negotiating", I politely and firmly declined.
I declined even though I was soon going to run out of money. I declined because I knew: If I sell myself for this assignment below my value and beyond my boundaries, I will be annoyed for the entire duration of the contract. So the collaboration would have been under a bad star right from the start.
If at the negotiating table you only look out for your own advantages and see the other party as interchangeable mass-produced goods, that's not negotiating, that's simply disrespectful.
I don't want to work with such companies. Unfortunately, I know quite a few self-employed people who (have to) put up with this behaviour.
Please, stop it! You don't need to do that and you aren't doing any of us a favour. As long as there are people who let themselves be treated like this, such business practices will survive.
In any case, I have no desire to write inflated proposals only to be haggled down 20% so that purchasing can meet some quota. That's just bullshit!
I negotiate on equal terms with my clients. Win-win is important to me. I am perfectly willing to meet someone halfway on conditions if I sense that my counterpart is also interested in a win-win solution.
I learnt a lot about myself in those days – above all, that my value has nothing to do with a price tag. The decision to decline instantly increased my inner value, and I have embodied that ever better to the outside world since then.
Since then, I have created, sent out and withdrawn a several proposals. I have conducted price negotiations and both received and handed out one or two rejections.
It is anything but easy, but every time it gets easier to stand up for myself and my worth.
The Definition of Success
Even in my school days, I defined my success through others. The teacher's praise, the gold star in the exercise book, the good grade on the report card.
As an employee, I was successful when I was promoted, got a pay rise, or received special praise from the boss in front of the whole team at the end of a project. Others always decided (for me) when I was good enough.
I outsourced my definition of success to others, and I don't think I'm alone in that.
Let's be honest: It's also easier that way. Money, praise, recognition = success.
The only problem is that this no longer works when you are self-employed. The usual definition of success is completely flawed. There is no boss, no head of department and no board of directors to promote or praise you. And a pay rise? You have to give that to yourself all alone.
So what is left of so-called success when no one is looking?
Am I less successful without a promotion? I don't think so. And let's be honest: Where would I promote myself to anyway? I am already the owner, chairwoman of the board and CEO. (Note to self: don't forget that; especially not on the bad days!)
Am I less successful because I don't give myself a pay rise? Or am I successful precisely because I plan financially with foresight and for the long term?
Am I less successful because I chose solopreneurship? In any case, I don't have to coordinate with anyone, and staff management is not currently an issue either.
Or am I perhaps successful because I manage everything on my own?
I haven't yet come to a final conclusion about what success means to me as a self-employed person. Maybe I don't need to.
At any rate, sometimes I miss my old definition of success. I miss others congratulating or admiring me, promoting me and getting a pay rise every now and then. But mostly, I am much happier to be allowed to redefine success and everything that goes with it for myself.
Whether employed or self-employed, what has remained the same is the joy and pride I feel when, together with my colleagues or clients, I have reached a milestone, mastered a challenge or successfully completed a project.
That is the kind of success that has always driven and fulfilled me.
Without a Safety Net
As much as I enjoy having all the professional freedoms I ever wished for, bearing the full entrepreneurial risk stressed me out (and in phases, it still does).
Yes, I can take as many holidays as I like. Yes, I can treat myself to longer time off. No, I don't have to negotiate training and further education with anyone (except myself).
I love it!
At the same time, it means:
If I am ill or on holiday, no money comes into the account.
If I invest hundreds or thousands of francs in further training, I am not available for my clients during this time. So no money comes in, but time and money go out. Will that pay off in the end? I don't know.
If I don't currently have a mandate, a project falls through or a contract is terminated, no money comes in.
My fixed costs, both professional and private, remain. Having a financial cushion that lasts for more than a few months is therefore highly recommended.
Now, you might also think that as an employee of (my) Ltd., I would at worst be entitled to unemployment benefits. After all, I or my company pay the corresponding contributions every month.
Unfortunately, wrong.
As an employee with decisive influence over the company (e.g. managing director), the legal basis for claiming unemployment benefit disappears.
The harsh reality: If push comes to shove, I have to completely liquidate my company.
For a long time, I found this circumstance very unfair. Nowadays, it is part of the deal for me. I cannot change the applicable laws. My responsibility is to inform myself as best I can and to decide whether the deal works out for me personally on balance. Currently, that is the case.
I therefore no longer get annoyed about deductions from which I get nothing. Instead, I am grateful to be in the privileged position of helping to finance a system that catches those who are currently less fortunate.
In the present times, this attitude also helps me not to let negativity infect me so quickly, but gives me the feeling that I can make a positive contribution.
The Imaginary Vendor's Tray: Who am I, and if so, how many?
When I quit my secure job just under 3 years ago, I had a rough idea of what I wanted to do as a self-employed person: basically the same thing, just on my own account.
However, after a few months in business, I realised that the same thing somehow didn't suit me anymore. But what the new thing should be was a big question mark, or rather a diffuse search without knowing what I was looking for.
I already felt back then that I was drawn to organisational development, or rather that I had always worked intuitively in this area. But I lacked the right words for it for a long time. I wanted to work systemically and holistically. So I signed up for an appropriate further training course.
The more I searched and learnt, the heavier my skill backpack became. My existing network approached me with requests for previous roles.
Nobody knew my new role, not even me.
I constantly had the feeling of lugging around a vendor's tray with all my skills. Everything had to be offered. For a long time, I didn't ask myself whether I even wanted to take on these tasks.
Fortunately, right around this time, I landed in a likeable and ultra-chaotic scale-up. No structure, no hierarchy, and a wild bunch of highly motivated individualists. My brief was something to do with quality and structure.
Nobody could tell me what the concrete expectations were. I had a monthly budget and a 6-month contract. In retrospect, the best thing that could have happened to me. I had a free hand. I was able to freely shape my areas of impact.
For the first time in my professional life, I worked with people who had hired me not because of my CV, but because of me.
During my time there, I learnt more than in many years of working before. I realised which topics I want to work on with my clients, which areas, activities and roles are right for me, and which roles can go. Not because I regret former jobs, but because I am allowed to evolve.
I am allowed to shed the old and make room for the new. I don't have to pack my imaginary vendor's tray with everything I have ever done or can do.
I am allowed to travel light and concentrate on what is right for me today.
Evolution happens automatically if we allow it. We are allowed to change our opinion, direction and strategy. We should even regularly and critically review whether they still suit us. If something no longer feels right, we are allowed to let it go.
At the same time, we shouldn't throw in the towel at the first sign of resistance. As self-employed people, we are allowed to accept many a challenge that we would have spared ourselves as employees. But that's part of it and ultimately makes us better entrepreneurs. And if one day we realise that we'd rather be employed after all, then that's okay too.
Fortune Favours the Brave
I carried the desire for self-employment around with me for over 25 years. A really long time for someone in their early 40s.
But no matter how much I learnt, how many experience I gathered and what challenges I mastered, I was never (in my opinion) well enough prepared. The right time, the right economic situation, the right concept was never there.
Today I know: There is no such thing as THE perfect time. There is only the moment when you simply jump and start swimming.
With this in mind, Carpe Diem! Life is too short for someday.
And what about you? Are you or your team currently at a turning point and your gut feeling is screaming for change?
Whether it's about your own imaginary vendor's tray, lacking structures amidst rapid growth, or the next brave step: As a systemic organisational developer and business coach, I support people and teams in bringing clarity to change and establishing sustainable structures for their success.
Let's chat about where you are right now – I look forward to hearing from you!
